nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
