You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
not ubering you a puppy
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
