i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize