i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
