you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
