I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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