grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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