dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
