why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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