I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
