I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
