She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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