it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
