I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
