The maid of honor just puked.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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