i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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