I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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