So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
