We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
