she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Oh god it's open bar.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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