I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
