One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Couch. On fire.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
