Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
