he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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