i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
