my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm like, not good at living.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
