i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
