i jhust puked up my retainher.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
