Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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