Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That was before I lit my hair on fire
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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