i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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