OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
