So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
