chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
