The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
