Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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