id be glad to
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
