we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
