I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
