these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
