3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
