i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Let's get the cat blown out
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