I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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