If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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