You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
