I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My balls are so social today.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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