Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Vodka?
Forever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
