Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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