We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
