so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Enjoy the penises
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
