I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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