He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize
