Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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