Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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