I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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