OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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