I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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