thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
