The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
