I love black thongs
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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