i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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