Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
