'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
