just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
