What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
