On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
