Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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