My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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