so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
