every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Green mimosas i think yes
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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