hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
